Where do I go From Here?

I am in the

stage that I mentioned yesterday. Lame.  I think I actually cried in my sleep last night....there was some kind of dream happening, and I don't remember any of it, but I remember being really sad.

During this last 2WW, I picked up a Father's Day card for my DH, with the hope that this year, it wouldn't just be from the dog.....unfortunately, there was no baby to add to the card, but dear sweeet Popeye was SO proud to deliver the card to his dad. He walked over to the couch with his chest puffed out and the card in his mouth like he was delivering the crown jewels.  DH loved it. :)

I wish there was a way to make this post funny, but seriously I feel like shit, so instead, this is a vent about infertility. I can't even put my feelings into words properly. I am pissed. I am sad. I am frustrated. I am annoyed. I just feel numb. But far, far back in the corner of my mind, I still have a sliver of hope.  I wish I could make that sliver of hope grow bigger...to where it pushed out some of the sadness, some of the frustration.....but I don't know how. I am thinking about joining a support group at my RE's office. Being in this holding pattern before treatment, knowing that the odds are against us, but not doing anything to make them better is challenging for me.  I KNOW that someday I will be a mother. I don't know how soon, or how far into the future that might be.  I don't know how that family will come to be. But I KNOW that it will happen.  I am sure of the destination, but the journey to get there is really f'ed up. :(

Two of my friends, Kelly and Kristy, have shared this video on their blogs.  They are two of the strongest women I know, and I am humbled by the way that they have both faced extremely difficult circumstances.  But I think this video sums up perfectly what all of us hope for, so I wanted to share it with you as well.