Monday, August 27, 2012

So....You Still Interested?

That was the call I got from my RE clinic the other day. Actually, it was more like, "Hi! So, you got your Infertility diagnosis and treatment plan 4 months ago....are you going to do anything about it?" And sadly, (very sadly) my answer was "No, we are not."  Honestly it was crushing to have to call the clinic back and tell them that at this point, we just can't.  Especially since in my mind, I am thinking "Yes!! Yes we want to do it!  We will do whatever it takes!"

I have been in such a good place with things lately.  Despite our best-laid plans going terribly wrong, I have had a new job to focus on, I have been spending time with friends, I have been working out like a fiend and trying to lose some weight, and had convinced myself that I was totally ok.  And then the call came, and I realized that I am not. I can be good, push infertility out of my mind for days at a time, and then the smallest thing happens that sends me into a spiral again. I never would have thought that here we would be, 20 months into this process with no baby, no positive pregnancy test, and no idea at all when our time will come. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

That said, I am SO SO thankful for some of the amazing people that I have met along the way...the ones that understand....that can let me be sad, but also remind me to not give up.

I realize that this song has nothing to do with infertility, but Greg Laswell is a man after my own heart, and this song kind of sums up what I feel like at the moment...... It Comes and Goes in Waves

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